


Incomplete

by LevisTears



Series: Oneshots [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Artist Erwin smith, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LevisTears/pseuds/LevisTears
Summary: Unfinished but complete when together.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: Oneshots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107023
Kudos: 7





	Incomplete

When Levi first meets Erwin, it is a by-chance interaction. He was on his lunch break after a lecture and the cafeteria was full up to the brim. So despite the usual routine of sitting on a brick wall with Hanji when this happened, he decided to find somewhere else since they weren't in due to being ill...well ill was on understatement here. Dead would be a better term for it to be real. Worked themselves to death? Had too many aspirins to deal with tiredness and a headache that went wrong. It isn't important so he focuses on something else. Levi, on a whim, decides to find somewhere else and ends up beneath a bridge. Trudging through the cold January air, he found the giant structure and thankfully finds a bench to sit upon. He sits down with a silent sigh and happens to look to his right. He nearly jumps from his seat when he sees a man sitting on some cardboard to his side.

Levi meets this man with a cigarette drawn out on his lips and sunglasses on his face. An odd choice for this time of year. All this man gets is the sudden sound of a gasp and turns to the sound. Levi seeing this man look at him. "Someone there?"

He doesn't know what to do, so he apologises. "I'm sorry" Levi adds "I didn't see you when I sat down and got a shock"

"used to it" the blonde adds, annoyance showing a little "don't worry". He wafts away all the smoke that has collected and puts out the cigarette on the ground beside him. "I'll move if you want me to"

"No...it is ok" Levi adds but the man comes to a stand, taking hold of his belongings and slowly walks off.

When the blonde meets the stranger again, it is a purposeful interaction. Levi heads down there the next day to find him sitting there again. He sits down and when he does, he offers a sandwich to him. The blonde doesn't move, staying in the same position though it right in front of his face. Levi adds a quiet "don't you want it?" And the blonde seems to jump a little. "Sorry were you zoned out?"

He turns towards the sound looking shocked and Levi raises a brow at him "who are you?" He asks a little panicky.

"I sat beside you yesterday before you walked off" Levi explains, "I thought you would have recognised my face." He gets a hum in return "do you want it?"

"Want what?"

"The sandwich I have right in front of your face" Levi adds "you are free to have it"

"Don't pity me lass" he mumbles and Levi grows quiet.

"It is lad...I'm...I'm a man" Levi explains feeling a little pre T dysphoric and the blonde hears him lower his voice a little as he speaks "haha...but of course you wouldn't be able to see my face clearly with those glasses on." The blonde hears the slight pain in his nervous laugh. Levi clears his throat "do you want it or not blondie?"

"Put it on the carboard and tell me from now on" he explains "don't try and hand it to me" Levi silently questions this to himself but just goes with it. After a moment the blonde, who thinks this isn't a biological man he is talking to adds "sorry about that...I'm blind"

"Ah, that makes a lot of sense now that you say it" Levi drags placing the food down where he wanted it "born blind or went blind?"

"That's rude to ask you know" Erwin mumbles "I went blind"

"I see and think of it as payback for calling me a woman" Levi smirks "...though my question is rude.....sorry I wasn't thinking"

"So why is are you sitting here talking to me again?" Erwin questions "you aren't recording me are you? You know, to put online as a joke."

"No sir" Levi adds "I'm here to check if you are ok"

"I told you not to pity me and stop calling me sir. You call put together people that name, not some poor homeless bastard"

"What is your name then, blondie?" Levi huffs rolling his eyes and he smirks at the name.

"Erwin Smith, yours?"

"Levi Ackerman"

"Legally or what you are going to have it changed to?"

"Legally, Blondie" he smirks again.

Erwin is surprised by this. He assumed at first that this person was one amongst the rest who thought of him as a piece of shit or tried to be sympathetic to him giving him a penny and rushing their children past as quickly as can be. This wasn't the case here, this Levi person over the next week came to him every lunchtime and shared his packed lunch. They never talked much only asking how each others day was. It was always the same short answer of "fine." To Erwin, it seems Levi cares about him and it makes him happy. This happiness reignites something within Erwin that he lost a while back before he lost his sight and his life.

When Levi sees Erwin again the following Monday, he sees his hands are shakey. Those hands which normally hold some bottle or some substance, the familiar space where he holds his lifeline is empty, and the man exhales shakily. Sitting on the bench beside him, Levi keeps peeking at him. He wants to know why he is doing that. Levi sees him bring a small empty bag to his mouth and lick the inside. He decides to ask "why are you shaking?"

"Withdrawl" The blonde stutters, trying his best to rake the shiny clear surface of the bag.

"You know trying to find more in that bag isn't going to help you"

"I know!" he bites and Levi just sighs.

"You could just stop and yes I know that is easy to say than to do" Levi explains, "my friend Hanji said that if you can not do something for a month, you don't have to do it for the rest of your life."

"You expect me to suddenly stop for a month?" He smirks "don't be mad"

"I'm not mad, just trying to find a solution...you'll risk an overdose or something...and being dead is boring when you are alone...you just exist and have nothing to really do, just watch over people," Levi says pulling out something from his bag "what can I do to help?"

"You're not giving me the money for them if that was your idea, kid"

"It wasn't and don't call me kid, you don't know how old I am"

"You're right, I don't know much about you..you work around here or something?"

"No, I'm a student...20 years old actually but some would say I am older..."

"Ah...alright" Erwin drags "so you definitely can't pay for my stuff...I'm 37" Erwin thinks for a moment "let me guess...an art degree?"

"No...what makes you think that?"

"Isn't that what all you lot are doing these days?" He smirks "doing art degrees"

It takes Levi a moment before he realises what he means and flicks his forehead which he rubs. "Just because I'm trans doesn't mean I'm doing a degree in arts!"

"I'm surprised" Erwin smirks, "I thought it was normal for that to happen"

"Well it isn't"

"Then why are the classes full of alternative non-gender confirming kids with some sort of mental issue?" He laughs and Levi doesn't know what to say "you know I am right...that Hanji friend of yours, do they study here?"

"Yes?" Levi lies not wanting to admit his friend was dead.

"What pronouns?"

"They/them" Levi adds confused.

"What identity?"

"Non-binary...why?"

"What degree?"

"They are taking ar-...................fuck off" Levi frowns a mumble and watches him start to laugh again.

"Told you" he drags and Levi just sighs.

"It was different back then I promise you" Levi mumbles which Erwin didn't hear.

When Levi comes back the next day he hands him some soup. "Careful it is hot" Levi adds handing it to Erwin.

He thanks him saying "how can you afford this?"

"Mum made some last night and we had some spare" Levi explains "I just warmed it up for you in the cafe"

"Ah, you didn't have to" Erwin smiles starting to eat it up. Levi watches him eat, the way he scarfs his meal and it makes Levi question him.

"When was the last time you had a hot meal?"

"About 2 years ago"

"Was that when you started living on the streets?"

"Yeah it was" Erwin sighs looking at Levi "you're so kind"

"It is not being kind, it is called being a decent human being"

"So you live with your mother? Must be nice. Does she know you've been hanging out with a homeless man?"

"No. She would freak out if I told her anything. She always worries that I'm going to get hurt. Do you have any family?"

"No. If I did they would have left when I started to go downhill and things went to shit"

"Want to talk about it?"

"A bratty adult with a great hand for art starts to lose faith in life and turns to drugs. I go too hard one day and leave myself blind. A blind drug addict who can't create anymore because I can't see. I am homeless and a mess"

"How did you lose your faith?"

"I don't know" he drags "I took life for granted and lost my inspiration, Levi...I didn't find anything beautiful anymore and tried to replace this emptiness with alcohol and drugs...I ruined my life. Maybe I should have just killed myself when I lost everything."

"That's not nice to say" Levi sighs "plus universities are suicide magnets, don't add to the number. I already have enough anxiety when I go past this tree where Hanji and I sit."

"Why's that?"

"Someone took their life there. They couldn't complete their degree because they came out as LGBT+ and the job they wanted would never allow them there"

"Wow...times sure have changed"

Levi only hums.

When Levi walks up to him the next day, he hands him a plastic bag. "What's this?"

"I found an old sketchpad and pencils from a few years back for you."

"Levi" he gasps "you shouldn't have..."

"Think of it as a distraction from drink and drugs"

"But I can't see" he argues "its no point."

"Modern artists can slaver shit on a canvas and get £10 million in return" Levi smirks "you'll be fine"

"What can I draw?"

"Is there anything you can remember?"

"Yeah but what?"

"I don't know...a flower or some shit...that is beautiful I guess"

Erwin looks down at the bag of things Levi found for him and suggests something stupid "Can I draw you?"

"Something beautiful Erwin" Levi scoffs eating a salad "you don't even know what I look like"

Erwin has met the first thing he’s ever attempted to capture in years. Later, when Levi realises he is squinting at him trying to get a slimmer of an image as he pours his energy into this piece of paper, he tries to sketch the man from memories of faces he has. Levi doesn't bother to look at what he is drawing. "What do you look like?"

"An ugly fuck"

"Levi..."

"You asked and I gave you an answer"

"What do you look like really?"

"Short...black hair in an undercut....thin brows....girly face....don't draw me...just draw something else." Erwin knows it’s nothing like he promises but doesn't show Levi. Erwin tucks the sketch into his bag and swears when he gets better he’ll come back and make a wonderful picture of Levi.

One day whilst Erwin is drawing something, Levi leans over and looks across to the drawing. The man barely notices, simply asks if he is watching him when he hears the creak of the bench. "You watching me?"

Levi simply hums at him before moving away. "Sorry, I'm probably messing up the light," Levi mumbles before remembering the blonde can't see. "Forget I said that..." Levi is surprised. The lines on the canvas actually resemble something. He thinks it is an apple or something. Levi asks about it. "What are you drawing, a potato?"

"It is supposed to be you" he admits "I don't want to show you until it is complete. Stop looking please."

"Ah..." Levi says sheepishly "it looks like you are on the right track if it looks like a spud."

"Be quiet" Erwin sighs, twisting his face "I bet you don't look like that."

"It is not like you know yourself" Levi mumbles before things grow quiet. He can't see himself in the drawing, though he can’t help but think about how the man is romanticizing him with his choice of wanting to draw him; the way he seems adamant in doing so. Erwin's face is creased slightly as he sketches away and Levi follows his wishes by not looking at the paper. There was a crushed cigarette on the ground, Levi remembers, and he was annoyed because the bin was right there beside him, there was no need to sully the ground with it. The poor thing didn't even have the will to lift his arm up further.

It makes him feel bad inside so he asks "How much?" Whilst extracting his wallet from his pocket. He can’t help but find his drawings kind of amazing. The non-human ones to be clear.

"It’s not for sale," Erwin says, and Levi pauses, fingers still on his wallet. He’s never been particularly interested in buying art. Levi can’t say with certainty that it’s not normal to paint a person without permission and not even offer it for sale. "It’s not finished, but when it is, I’ll give it to you for free. If you want it."

"Ok but let me buy it" Levi suggests "you need the money"

Erwin raises a brow and turns to him "and how much would you pay for this? How much do you think it is worth?"

"Umm...£50?"

Erwin scoffs "Don't lie to me. That is far too much for a shit drawing off some dirty homeless man who can't see a thing." Erwin goes back to drawing "plus you are a student, that isn't your money, it is your mother's"

"Why are you even drawing me in the first place?"

"First person who has given me attention since I ended up here"

"Yeah but you are drawing me" Levi adds "that's the kind of romantic shit you'd see in a romantic film"

"Is this a problem? Me drawing you?"

"No" Levi sighs "I just wanted to know if it meant anything more"

"Is it wrong if it does?"

"No, but it would be nice to know" Levi smirks "so is it?"

"Yeah" The blonde whispers "sorry"

Levi nods thoughtfully, observes the shyness of the man, "Have you stopped smoking?" Levi stares at him with narrowed eyes "Your nails look better."

"I wanted to look better for you, though that is hard being homeless" Erwin admits and Levi finds himself emitting a little smile.

Levi finds himself coming to see him during the night as he can't sleep. Thoughts of Erwin trying to present himself better in his head. He grabs a bag and a few other things and heads off to him. Erwin is surprised when at 2 am he hears Levi walk under the bridge and announce he is there to see him. "It is far too late!" Erwin frowns "go back home before you get yourself hurt or something!"

"I'm already here so...no" Levi adds and surprises Erwin more when he sits down right in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

"I brought some things from my home Erwin. I want to clean you a little"

"You've lost your mind"

"I'm a student, that's normal" Levi mumbles before putting the bag between them. Levi brings a packet of wipes out and gets to work within the darkness. Erwin has his eyes closed as Levi is doing so. It makes the blonde think, think how kind this stranger has been to him. Levi takes out a bottle of water and uses that to dampen a razor to shave the blonde. "I don't have to shave, so sorry if I fuck this up."

Time passes and Levi tries his best to wash his hair with what water is left in the bottle. He gives him a sort of decent haircut. Erwin's face is down by his chest as Levi works and he finds himself overwhelmed. Levi finds this out when he hears a small choke. He looks down and sees tear tracks come from the glasses. It makes him stop and stare. "You're so kind" he quietly cries and Levi just pats his head "there has to be a reason why you're doing this." Levi doesn't answer him, just continues to make him look better as Erwin cries quietly. "You are literally the best thing that has happened to me in years...fucking hell if I could see you, I'd want to stare at your wonderful self for hours. Fuck it... I'd want to paint you for hours! I wouldn't care if you were ugly like you say, I would love to see you."

"Well take your glasses off. I want to see your eyes."

"That won't make a difference."

"I know but it works both ways." Levi sighs before adding a quiet "do you really want to know why I have been coming here?"

"I do"

"I don't know how this has happened but I have somehow fallen for you Blondie" Levi explains and things grow quiet "I know this sounds fucking stupid but do you want to come with me to live? We can sell your art online or something?"

"You want to take me? A homeless disabled drug addict into your home? You are mad."

"Is that a yes or no?"

"Yes" Erwin adds and Levi just smiles at him. Then out of nowhere, Levi moves back a little and slides the sunglasses off his face before lifting his head. He looks down into his eyes and stares for a moment. Erwin feels his finger against his skin for the first time as he holds his face. He is freezing.

"Your eyes are a lovely colour. I like them." Levi smiles before grabbing his phone and turning on the torch to see better "It is always so dark in here" he adds and accidentally shines it under himself. He sees Erwin still for a moment and looks at him raising a brow "is something wrong?" Erwin's eyes are wide and mouth ajar a little.

"Come closer" he gasps "now" and Levi being confused does that, only to be pulled onto him. He puts his face closer to him and Levi blinks a few times. Erwin gently takes hold of the phone in his hands after feeling up his cold arm and shines it so the light is shining up at Levi. Erwin stares at him.

"What's going on?"

"I...I think I can see you a little Levi" he adds with panic in his voice "I can see something...the light and shadows" he explains and reaches up to touch what he thinks is his cheek, he feels something damp on his face.

"Because of this light? some light enters during the day though"

"I...I always kept my eyes closed and never took the glasses off.....oh my god" he moves the light around to look some more "oh my fucking god...oh my god...."

"Told you I was ugly"

"No....no Levi" he smiles "you're beautiful....so fucking beautiful"

"...is that the truth?"

"Oh my god yes!" He smiles.

"And you're not just saying that so I take you home with me when I finish and give you shelter and that?"

"Of course not" Erwin adds "I love you...I'm so glad I met you." Erwin looks at him so more before adding a quiet "I know I'm a filthy man...a washout compared to you but...when we do live together and you think I am clean enough...I would like to touch you."

"You're not filthy" Levi whispers "just a little dirty" before pushing Erwin and himself down to the ground. Erwin smiles up at him "not yet"

"Can I kiss you then?"

"Not yet, that isn't a good idea" Levi explains sitting up a little.

"Nobody will see" Erwin whispers.

"You can't" Levi explains "not yet...just don't"

"One bad breath kiss isn't going to kill you" Erwin adds and feels Levi start to stand up. He acts without thinking and pulls Levi down for a kiss. He sees a quick flash of light when he does and goes light-headed.

A few seconds later he feels the ground on his cheek. He opens his eyes and nearly passes out when he is able to see. He can see. He focuses his eyes and sees the roots of a tree in his vision. Then out of nowhere starts to hear a strained choking noise as he zones back into reality. So he looks towards the sound and his heart stops for a second when he sees a pair of legs dangling.

A quiet strained "get......me.....down..." Has Erwin horrified as he sits looking away from this scene. The blonde thinks he knows who those legs belonged to. He remembers the story Levi told him about what happened here but questions why and how he is seeing this. His mind goes wild as he tries to think of a reason for this. He wonders where the fuck Levi is. Then Erwin has a sudden realisation that makes his blood run cold. Erwin brings himself to turn and look towards the person. He lets out a broken gasp as he looks at them and sprints towards the person.

It was Levi.

Erwin scrambles over and lifts him up with one arm as the other tries to break it off of him. He manages to get it off and lays him down on the ground whilst in his arms "Levi!? I've got you! You're ok! It's ok!"

Erwin watching his eyes meet his, gets to have a look at his appearance. His fingers a slight shade of purple like his lips. His pupils are blown wide. The veins under his eyes and on his neck. Then the black ring around his neck. "I....said...not to...kiss me" he strains "fucking.....idiot"

"What's going on? Why can I see!?"

"You don't...kiss a...ghost" he adds spitting some blood from his mouth.

"So..." Erwin starts "you're actually dead?" And Levi nods. "And that person you told me about was you?" Levi nods again. Erwin blinks a little "you said you wanted to be with me, were you waiting for me to die or something?"

"Sort of" Levi sighs "I'm sorry if this spooked you"

"It's alright...I'm just confused about how we ended up here"

"We kissed and because I was hiding this from you, the universe showed you that I was lying to you" Levi explains before turning his head away from Erwin "but now you know what I was hiding from you. I've been dead this entire time and didn't tell you because you couldn't see me." He hates Erwin is seeing what he looks like right now. "Stop looking at me...I know I look horrific...I told you I was ugly"

"So this why you call yourself ugly? You're not ugly" Erwin adds "you were acting like you break mirrors when you pass them."

"The first time you see anything and you see me like this" Levi sighs "Now that you know the truth, I'm guessing you don't like me that way anymore"

"I'm just surprised. Why were you sticking around for so long? Isn't there an afterlife or something you could be in?"

"I'm incomplete" he adds "I can't move on. Then my friend died and moved on so I was left alone. Then I met you and felt a little less lonely...I fell for you because you didn't have a clue what I was since you couldn't see me...sorry...I'll put you back and leave you alone from now on..."

"No" Erwin adds "don't leave..." He wipes away the blood from his mouth and other openings in his face. "And I told you this before, you are beautiful to me...I want to go with you." He plants a soft kiss on his neck and feels Levi relax into his touch.

"Are you sure?"

"Help me die and let me have you" Erwin whispers before kissing him. His cold lips kiss him back "you have me now...now that I can see, I want to see more of you"

Morning comes and Levi sits on the bench, a lit cigarette in hand. He takes a single drag knowing it won't affect him in the slightest and looks at the snow coming down around them from outside the bridge, frost leaking into the place they were at. He peers down at Erwin sighing, his eyes now closed. Levi looks at his lips and nods coming to a stand and reaching into his bag. He pulls out the picture from Erwin's bag and takes a look. Of course, it didn't look like him but it makes him smile. "Let's go now, Erwin" Levi adds before taking hold of his cold stiff hand and fading away to nothing.

It is unfinished but, upon further reflection, it’s never been more complete now they are together.


End file.
